Of Fats and Fatlogic

This is how we be rollin' on 2SCB now

So... don't know if anyone's reading this...just need to rant. That's about it.

For those who haven't been bombarded by my constant bragging on FB, I've been doing this "weightloss" thang since September last year, and everyone's been utterly supportive. Here's the gist of how I got started, and challenge(s) I faced. Also, a rant.

When I was a hamplanet  stuffed with fatlogic between the folds of my fupa, I've always been told by my family that I gotta lose weight for health reasons, that all sorts of chronic diseases come from being fat (i.e. the beetus and clogged arteries and shit) and that if I ever got so sick I couldn't walk or had a heart attack or a stroke, they wouldn't be able to carry me to the hospital, much less care for me if I ever got bedridden.

I knew all the risks, I read about it everywhere, I watch it on TV all the time. I'm a science student FFS, of course I know the health risks that come with being fat. But that did not stop me from growing sideways exponentially. Food was too good to give up, laziness was to be had all the time, I don't like sweating, I got no time, gym membership's too expensive, blablabla (insert more fatlogic excuses here). In a nutshell, I knew I was unhealthy and living an unhealthy lifestyle but was too lazy to do diddly squat about it.

I feel like I kinda lucked out when it comes to how I got started to change my mentality and got motivated to lose weight.

In mid-2013, when Clark Hatch had long evacuated City Square, there was going to be a new gym opening soon, and they were promoting early-bird signups. So this colleague of mine who's also a chubby fat person (we'll call her Fergie) had another friend that she wanted to be gym buddies with, but that other person bailed on her or something. So then she started to recruit me as a gym buddy, and I was real hesitant at first. Coz, you know, this shit needs work and effort and I'm lazy. Plus it didn't help that I am a hot hot chicken shit kinda person.

I was thinking, "what if I got lazy and didn't go as much, I'd be wasting money there". However, seeing that the signup was cheap, and there is a high chance of me keeping it up due to proximity, I thought, heck why not and decided to go for it. Contract was signed, card was swiped, sweat was formed on my forehead as I felt trepidation. This is it. I gotta get off my ass and do things now...

Oh god what did I do

When Jatomi finally opened, we were kinda excited to get started. We tried pilates (which we were terrible at since we were so fat we could lift our legs and do pilates stuff) and bootcamp/Aussie aerobics for the evening studio classes, and had morning cardio and weight training exercises. We had the fire, and we were there every weekday morning.

On top of working out, I started to work on eating less and eating less crap (yes it's hard to cut crap out of my diet, so it's work). I've seen how Ming Eng does it. She could come out with us and always say she's hungry. And yet when she eats, it's never the full portion of the carbs. McD? Yeah, she had that. With less bun. Noodles? She had that. But not finishing all of the noodles. 

What I'm trying to say is, I didn't want to approach controlling what I eat by cutting out food altogether, starve myself, or having those bloody shakes for 3 meals a day. Coz I know that kind of eating habit cannot last. And now that I've seen with my own eyes how Ming Eng can still enjoy food but just with smaller portions and watching the type of nutrients she consumes, I know I can do it too.

Up until before Christmas, both Fergie and I were quite consistent and both of us saw results. We were excited and it kept us going. 

EEERRRRRMMMEEEERRRRHHHGGGEEERRDDD

Then Christmas came around the corner and Fergie started getting busy preparing for the festive season and was less present for the workouts. Fine, I can do my own thang. I kept at it until CNY rolled around. I had applied for a 2-week leave and that kinda meant that I was going to be away from the gym and calorie-burning routines if I got too lazy to go jog around my house or drive to the gym (excuses excuses). By the time my leave was over, we were both slacking and had plateau-ed. 

That damned law of thermodynamics

By that time I'd lost around 20kg (remember, that was from Sept to early 2014, prolly 4-5months). I realised that the reason I plateau-ed was that I was doing the same things I did when I started. I should have more energy and strength to try doing harder things but didn't. Realising my problem, I quit slacking, worked a bit harder these past coupla weeks, and I saw results. I started to pick up the weight loss again and had some other non-scale victories (NSV for short).

Being able to fit into my old pants that I outgrew years ago was a catalyst. I got even more motivated to jog on Sundays. I started seeing results again, and I was happy to share the news with my gym buddy.

FUCKYEAH. lookit datass

Given that she has a different kind of life (in her 30's, 2 kids, one of the 2 main sources of income for her family), she has had more difficulties than myself to be consistent at the gym thing. There'd be inevitable commitments to her family that will cause a few missed gym days. NBD. As long as she controls what she eats at home, go jogging on the weekends she'd be fine, right??

Now this is the part where I tie in what I mentioned in the beginning about fatlogic. I've been reading loads of /r/fatpeoplestories and /r/fatlogic to see what I've done wrong in the past and also to constantly remind myself to not think like a fatlogician. Learning of the fatlogic that people encounter everyday, made me realise that

1. I had shit tonnes of fatlogic and my friends definitely saw it but they were really nice to me about it. Never gave me grieve for it, but always subtly trying to nudge me to think of food and health with actual logic.
2. Fergie had boatloads of fatlogic.

I used to almost never turn down a snack offered to me. I took pride in my ability to eat mega-mounds of food. But since having a change of mentality, I learnt a little something called self-restraint. People around the office would come around and offer a chocolate or an ice cream. I'd accept it out of politeness but give it to someone else. Try as much as possible to cut down sugar in my drinks. Again, my role model is Ming Eng (WOMAN DRINKS TEA WITH KOSONG SUGAHZ. MMKAY?). I have less of the hamplanet approach to life now, is what I'm trying to say.

Fergie? Takes less sugar that she used to, but still, she could do with less. Still buys putu for dinner. Doesn't really push herself to do harder things to break the plateau. Whutevs. I mean, I'm not gonna judge if she was okay with her progress (or lack of). However, I got jimmies rustled when she recently  displayed some whale-sized fatlogic with one of her whines. Convo that took place went something like this

Fergie: You've been getting smaller and smaller eh (genuinely glad for me)

Me: Yeah

Fergie: You know, my fats are like yellow fats, they're really hard to lose. Not like yours. Yours is like water weight, you just have to sweat and you can lose weight easily.

ALL OF MY WUTS

I didn't want to start an argument with her fatlogic in case I lose control and start choking her with my Nike shoelace. So I shut up after that. Just walked away and hit the showers. She is genuinely a nice person and I didn't want to lose this friendship. 

This happened last week and till today, my jimmies are still rustled. Her comment negated all the work I put in. So here I am, trying to sooth my jimmies so I don't become a pressure cooker and explode the scalding pork stew in her face. 

Here's to me and my journey of leaving obesity behind. 

BRING IT, FATTY CELLS AND GRAVITY