Tuesday, 21 July 2009

A letter to an old friend.

It’s been a long time since I last contacted you in any way, how have you been? I’ve been meaning to maybe, sms or email you, but I was afraid that it would make her upset, so I’ve procrastinated doing so…

And I’m really sorry for not visiting her in the past couple of years, I’ve been afraid of how I would need to react seeing her… It’s always hard to see her so broken and knowing no way to comfort her.

But I wanna let you know, I’ve been thinking of you a lot and I always mention you in conversation with people whom never had the good fortune to know you. They would have loved you, coz you were always so adorable and humorous. You always had a wicked sense of humour and was one of the people who made me a crazy woman in school, and I missed your laughter, and the way you’d tell me to stop shaking when laughing. I still have your autograph in my Convent yearbook.

I still remember your slender fingers and your wrinkled palms. I still remembered your frizzy hair and I still remembered your teeth (remember being called Gigi Besi?). I still remember the school shoes you wore, which were the Velcro type coz you were lazy to tie your shoe laces. I remember how you looked in your pinafore and I remember your handwriting (as bad as mine, really.)

I haven’t forgotten the Monday morning when I heard of the news. I couldn’t cry at first. I told myself to cry, because it was supposed to be the right reaction, but I couldn’t do it. I remember asking myself what was wrong with me. I even ran to the library to force my tears but it didn’t help. Then, in the classroom, I was sitting down and V came towards me. I held her hand and that’s when it happened… It hit me, struck me so hard, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I thought you were fighting on, because I just saw you the previous Friday. I was and still am truly sorry that you had to see me as a blubbering fool that day in the hospital. I wanted very much to smile like you did, but my EQ is that damn bad, I didn’t know how to control myself. My bad.

It’s been a few years since we had any contact, and I still can’t forget how you came to me that when I thought you had left us. It was so vivid and I truly believe that what you showed me was where you were, and where you were is a fantastically happy place. I remember the spring-time lake, I remember the people playing around, I remember the cool wind, and I remember that big plastic earring you wore that spring day. I remember the way you sat, and the words you told me, most probably knowing that I’d relay them to her. And have you gone to tell her personally that you will be fine? She has been waiting to see you, and I really hope you could go to her…

I used to cry a lot when speaking of you, but recently I learnt to control the tears and speak of you with great humour, coz I know that is how you would have wanted it. The legacy you left is a happy one, albeit the ending was too sudden to bear. I cannot forget how you make me laugh, and I will always think of you, my mirthful one.

Have a great time wherever you are. I miss you!

Last of Days by Alison Sudol

Something causing fear to fly
Rising like a dark night
In silence
Traveling like a broken boat
Heading for the sky
And I'm an island


I watched you disappear into the clouds
Swept away into another town


The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days


The sun is in the east,
Rising for the beasts
And the beauties
I wish that I could tear it down,
Plant it in the ground to warm your face


I built myself a castle on the beach
Watching as it slid into the sea


The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days
Until the last of days


Through walls and harvest moons
I will fight for you


The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days
Until the last of days


sleepy said...

This is really lovely.

rojakrojak said...

I miss her

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