All in a day's thought.

When you burn so many bridges, alienate so many peopl, and make yourself a public enemy, it's only natural that you find yourself with hardly any friends left.

Those who stayed behind only stayed because either you haven't pushed them away or you have, but they are patient enough to put up with your nonsense.

Often you lament, why doesn't anobody understand? You put up a strong front, that being the only defence mechanism you hae for your fragile heart. Not allowing anyone to know how you feel, you protect yourself, keeping everybody at an arm's length with your barrier. But deep down, you yearn for someone to know how you feel, you wish to let the whole world know that you need company too, but you just don't know how to do that, because you haven't learnt how to let down your guard.

All this is because you grew up only knowing that people hurt other people. It's good enough that you don't hurt people so terribly in self-defence. It's no wonder you have that wall up all the time.

But somehow, the irony is that you are too trusting. Anyone who gives you the impression that they are "trustworthy", you fall for it. They may be genuinely sincere or people who may seem so but are otherwise. But no matter how many times you get hurt, you somehow manage to trust people in a snap.

It's this trusting nature of yours that gets your knickers all tangled up sometimes. And maybe that's why you compensate for your guile by being so over-defensive.

But, as mentioned, when you try to save your tears, you cause yourself more tears.

Life is great, you have people who care, and you know it! But why can't you cheer up? Is this some kind of endless cycle, trying to see if anyone bothers? Do you do it consciously, or you really can't help it because it's in your blood? If it's really in your blood, then I suggest a blood transfusion.

You think no one notices, that's why you're so loud, but being loud means being annoying, and that pushes anyone far away. So shut up, and get over yourself, Poh Roe Jin.