Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Malaysian IdioTsyncrasies

There’s one thing nobody told you. Not the bus drivers, not the bus companies, not the Malaysian government.

There is a ghost at the back of every bus.

At least, I think so. Because logically, that would be the only reason that passengers are so reluctant to head to the back of the bus and cramp up in the front half of the bus, even when these people see there are more people trying to get on the bus, even when the bus driver is shouting for them to move to the back.

Please be warned, there are ghosts at the back of each bus. What a good thing that I’m not afraid of ghosts.


Malaysians turn into illiterates whenever they step into a public toilet. There’d always be signs that say “Please do not stand/squat on toilet bowl” but there’d always be shoeprints on the toilet seats. It’s amazing how public toilets make Malaysians unable to understand written words. Some kind of bomoh’s curse?


Do you know what is “oxymoron”? It’s not a moron who’s inhaled too much oxygen. It means (according to my DICKtionary), “putting together words which seem to contradict one another.”

So when I see a jogging man/sportsman/the man who only eats healthy food who smokes, I find that a bit oxymoronic.

What an oxymoronic moron wasting my oxygen.


I have another theory and this one is about my Indian neighbours. I think that they have special hearing and speaking abilities. So special that they have to speak to each other at a specific angle and distance before they could hear each other. For instance, one of them would have to be outside their house on the third floor and the other one at the parking space in front of our block before they can start communicating. Of course, at this distance, if you’re speaking at your usual volume, no one could hear you properly. So naturally, they’d have to shout a bit.

I have such special neighbours with special abilities. Jiran-jiran istimewa.


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