Wedding Woes

My sister is having her wedding in July.

She and I have this absolute resentment towards wedding dinners. Both our opinions are that when we get married, it’ll be a totally simple affair. Register, sign on the dot, and that’s it. I will only hold a small garden party for my immediate family and close friends [his too].

The reason why I hate wedding dinners.

1. They always start late, so the guests all starve unless they came prepared and ate, or brought some food with them in their purse.
2. You have to find for the right clothes.
3. You have to be seated with half a table of unknown people.
4. Sometimes if you’re unlucky, the newlyweds decide to have a karaoke set. Which translates to old ah peks singing stupid old hokkien songs. OUT OF TUNE.
5. There’s the dish of shark’s fin. I am totally against shark’s fin. Animal cruelty on a plate on the day that was supposed to be a “happy day”. Talk about irony.
6. It is noisy, especially with the kids running around
7. You have to go around greeting those old fogeys in your extended family, 90% of whom you think were gonna die soon, and you can’t even remember what to call them until your mum whispers to you what to say.
8. You get asked the question, “Which daughter are you ah? The youngest one ha? Wah, so big liao o!” And the questions keep coming.
9. You have to SMILE for the old fogeys even though you’re wishing you could run out of there ASAP and have a smoke/bang your head/take a cab home and cuddle up to reality TV.
10. You have to prepare ang pau which has an appropriate amount. You worry that if you give too little, you will siasueh. But if the menu is cheap and you happened to give a generous amount, then you sakit hati.

I hate wedding dinners and think these abhorrent events were created to bring the worst possible torture to everyone present, including the newly weds. Since I think it’s a drag, I shall not bring such misery to my friends by forcing them to come to my wedding dinner. Mine will be a very simple affair. A small garden party, like I said. I can be closer to my real friends, not people whom I invited just because they share my surname.

Actually my sister thinks so too. But somehow… things didn’t go as she always thought her wedding would be.

There’s gonna be 2 dinners. One in Singapore and one in Malaysia. Double the hassle, double the torture for me. Oh my god, just give me a gun, so that I can murder whoever starts walking near the karaoke set…