Screw people. Is there such a job?

7 ways to screw people:

1) The Phone Screw
Always reply messages, but never reply early. This way, you make sure you have said what you want to say, so the other person can't say "You didn't inform." And if the other party can't manage to clean up the mess of your late reply, she/he could be deemed as "not quick enough." Either way you win.

2) The Phone Screw 2
When the person looking for you is not happy with waiting for your reply and calls you, just don't pick up. Later on give some lame ass excuse like, "Sorry I was in the showers" or "Sorry I was out grocery shopping" or "Sorry I had no credit." [Ya the last one seems ridiculous but I really came across this kind of bastard]. Anyhow, you piss the other person to the max.

3) The Promises Screw
This one needs some acting. You get a request. The other one begs for your help. You say yes. But come crunch time, you go, "I'm sorry, I know I promised but, I really am sick today. I've tried to find someone else who could help but I can't seem to get anyone to agree. I'm REALLY sorry." This way, the other one still feels that you are helping him/her even though you are actually screwing them over.

4) The Promises Screw 2
You promise to help someone buy something because he/she is too busy to go out. Then you go out, but you conveniently forget to buy it. Then you come back and pretend you knew you were supposed to buy something for him/her, but you forgot what. And the other one goes without toothpaste for a whole week.

5) The Promises Screw 3
"I promise this the first and last time we'll have our class in [insert a god-knows-where location]. I know you all don't have car and have to beg here and there for transport ah, that's why this one last oredi. OK?" After saying that, do the same thing again, but inform at the last minute and tell them it's for the next 3 classes. That way, those losers with no transport will have to kelam kabut find transport at the last minute. Buahahaha!!!

6) The FFK Screw
Fang Fei Kei. Give Aeroplane. Promise to spend time with long-time-no-see friend, goes weeks and weeks "I promise, this weekend, OK?" then on the day say, "Sorry I have last minute exam/appointment with lecturer/[insert important thing to do]" Do it week after week. See how you friend fumes.

7) The "I had a mix up" Screw
Your friend needs some notes that has to be in her hands by today, or she'll die cham cham. You tell her you'll bring yours, then bring it. But bring atomic physics notes when she asked for your radiobiology notes. Then tell her, "Aiyah, today is radiobiology class, so I thought you were asking for these notes! And plus I was in a hurry, I didn't pay much attention to the sms la. Sorry ya." Then pai pai pi gu jiu zou diao.


These are from experiences of kena screwed by people. I tmd tulan then I post it out. If I get paid everytime I get screwed, I'd be a millionaire.

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Do any of you still remember the content of the Dictionary of Martian Language we made in form 6, with inspiration from dapau? I only remember "pipe bond" and "aiyonaizayshius".